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Magical security item with awesome powers

security item

Twice in one week. That’s right people. We’re back. Kitty Lusby and I have written another cute confessional and this time it’s about our favorite security item. If you’re not sure what’s going on here, let me tell you. Kitty and I are in a cute war. She thinks that she is cuter than I am. Bitch Please. So, to prove who is cuter, we’re writing posts called Cute Confessions. Kitty and I take turns picking the topic. We write about whatever we write about and then we share links with each other. Now, here’s the fun part. I have no idea what she wrote about, and neither does she, until our post go live. So we can share all the links we want, but we must wait until our posts are published before we can read each others cute confessions.

My Cute Confession – Security Item

I’m a huge fan of the Peanuts Cartoon. I love Snoopy. Snoopy can do no wrong in my mind. Another favorite character of mine is Linus. Mostly because he is a sweet kid. He can love something more than himself and it’s a constant reminder, to me, every day that I need to do the same. I get scared sometimes. It’s true. I speak every month, in front of a group of people and I tell them something awesome about WordPress. I’m at the point now where I’ve done this for so long, that I’m no longer afraid. I was afraid that the crowd was going to eat me alive if I gave them bad advice. So how did settle my nerves? I turned to Linus and I found a security item. Much like the security blanket that Linus carries around, I carried around a security magic wand.

Really Russ? Your security item is a magic wand?

Yes! You see, ever since I was little, I’ve been into magic. I know that it’s all slight of hand and smoke with mirrors. Regardless, I enjoy it and it makes me happy. One year for my birthday, I received a magic kit. In this kit, there was a magic wand. It looked like it came from a dollar store. It probably did, but that’s beside the point. This security item that is my magic wand has powers. Powers that only I can use. These powers are called Sarcasm. Oh, you know that too? Well then come along for a fantastic voyage. I’m telling you now, my magic is nothing like Harry Potter or Criss Angel. Mine is more like a drunken guy taking a pass at a woman that he knows is out of his league.

Sarcasm is that thing where you say one thing, and it means one or more things below the surface. I use it a lot when I’m nervous or way out of my league in a conversation. I’m also kind of an asshole, according to a few ex-girlfriends of mine. So I use sarcasm a lot. Here’s a good example. I used to keep my security item on me at al times. When someone would ask me a question that they could have easily Googled themselves, I would break out the magical wand and wave it. Nothing would appear. I waved it again. Nothing again. So then I’d turn to them and begin to say “My magic wand had no answers found. Did you try Google yet”?

Having a security item can help take the edge off. Have you ever seen the movie Big Daddy? A pair of Adam Sandler’s glasses become a security item for the little boy in the movie. That’s exactly what I’m talking about. When you need to perform or be at your best, it’s a good idea to have a security item with you. Let’s be clear. Anything can be your security item. ANYTHING. But, you may have to use it in public. So a blow-up doll or some kind of sexual device may not be the best security item. Something that can parish is another example of a bad security item. I used a magic wand. Why? because it made me happy and you can buy them from Walmart for one dollar. Let me answer your question now. Yes, I have 15 magic wands in a storage closet that can be ready in moments notice.

This is where you come in

Kitty Lusby and I are both writing cute confessionals. We’re in a war here you see. I think I’m cute. She thinks she’s adorable. So we’re leaving it up to you, the readers. Vote and tell us who is the cutest of them all. You can read Kitty Lusby’s security item cute confessional over here. I need you to vote for me in this cute war. I mean it people.

[polldaddy poll=9108135]

Need more reason to vote for me?

Maybe a Snoopy video can help my chances. So here’s my favorite snoopy. The Red Baron Snoopy.

Read more cute confessions

You can read all of my Cute Confessions that I have posted so far. Also, if you must, here are Kitty Lusby’s Cute Confessions since day one. Here’s the last confession. I think you might like that one as well! Remember. Vote for me people.

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