My 25 Adult Truth tales that you can learn from

1 year ago Comedy, Education, Life5

As you grow up, you learn how important it is to understand the truth and not just to tell the truth so help me god. (Joke). As I’ve almost circled the sun 30 times, I have come to the realization that there are some myths around the Adult Truth and there are actual facts about Adult Truth, that I still do not fully understand. Every day I try to figure out something new about life that I did not already know. My kindergarten teacher would have failed me at this too. Regardless, here are My 25 Adult Truth tales that you should learn from.

  1. Adult Truth: I am convinced that you will never be able to read the fine print of a television commercial. No matter how many times you record it with your DVR. Even if you move the commercial frame by frame. They just do not want you to read the fine print.
  2. Adult Truth: There is a calculator on your phone, tablet and computer. You don’t always have to use your hands and feet in public.
  3. Adult Truth: When I was younger, I would of ran four miles to save two dollars. Now I won’t save twenty-five dollars a month on my cable bill by picking up the phone when they call.
  4. Adult Truth: Your mother never really knew what you did when you were a child. She just knew to ask the question “What did he/she do” whenever someone called them.
  5. Adult Truth: I never got the handbook on becoming a man. When I was younger I could knock on any door and any man could fix my flat tire. Sorry kiddo’s. Knock on my door and all you’ll get is a guy who can program a computer.
  6. Adult Truth: I laugh at other people’s expense because I no longer laugh at myself when I’ve done something for the 500th time.
  7. Adult Truth: I really thought that a backward hat looked really cool when I was a child. Yesterday I burned my childhood pictures.
  8. Adult Truth: Watching “Are you smarter than a fifth grader” makes me question the school system I was brought up in, every day.
  9. Adult Truth: Fire in pan hot. Do not touch.
  10. Adult Truth: There was probably a caveman tired of hearing his cave wife complain, so he took off to build a fire and cook his meat. That’s the only reason why we actually cook meat. To escape.
  11. Adult Truth: Your thoughts get weirder and weirder as you grow up. Not because you yourself get weirder. It’s because you have already thought of the easy stuff.
  12. Adult Truth: The music your parents listened to is the same music that you listen to. Meaning that your kids will also think you’re old when they hear your “classic” music collection.
  13. Adult Truth: I take comfort in knowing that every retirement home will probably have an X-BOX and Play Station 4, or whatever the equivalent will be at that time. My generation of older people will destroy these young hipsters.
  14. Adult Truth: Having talent is not really a talent. Talent can either be coloring inside the lines or outside the lines. It all depends on the person reviewing your work.
  15. Adult Truth: Teamwork as a child meant that everyone had to participate. Teamwork as an adult involves telling Brenda to shut the hell up and stay out of this conversation.
  16. Adult Truth: We could have sat around and came up with clever words for being on point, too. We just decided to send men to the moon. That’s the difference.
  17. Adult Truth: Being a reasonable and responsible adult means that you at least consider throwing away the sugar packet wrapper before leaving Starbucks late for work.
  18. Adult Truth: We used to have to call a week in advance to cancel a date. Because our generation did not have texting. These kids today can cancel on each other with 30 seconds left on the clock. My question is “Why the hell did it take so long to invent texting AT&T?”
  19. Adult Truth: Parents let us kids purchase baggy pants because they knew we would be broke and we would still need to be dressed in order to go into work. Joke was on us.
  20. Adult Truth: Washing your car as an adult is a lot harder than it was to was your parents car as a child. Less people cared that you were still in your underwear at 4 in the afternoon.
  21. Adult Truth: People love your work until they have to pay for it. A lesson to learn about business.
  22. Adult Truth: It’s more important to know what to do if your tire explodes on the freeway than it is to know the entire plot of the Jersey Shore.
  23. Adult Truth: Taking a risk in life either leads to a very rewarding payoff, or an awesome campfire story to tell your children one day.
  24. Adult Truth: I promise, there is nothing you can to do to convince other adults that your kids are different today than they would be on any other day.
  25. Adult Truth: Claiming “It’s Cajon” is so much easier than admitting that you only know how to cook in the microwave at your parents house.

Adult Truth Hidden Gem

I have a secret hidden Adult Truth I’d like to share.

  • Adult Truth: I’ve never pulled up to a stop light and recognized the song that the car next to me is blasting at full volume.
  • Adult Truth: No matter if you are 15 or 30. You’ll always put hot bagel bites in your mouth and burn your tongue.
Russell Aaron