Five things I say the most

9 months ago Comedy, Life, Random Thoughts1

Talking is a huge part of life. We do it sometimes without even thinking about it. I say things all the time. I’m the first to admit I talk without thinking. When I think of my friends, I think about things they say more than what they do. Usually, when I mention my buddy John Hawkins, it’s because he said something important I want someone else to know. I hope others do the same when they think of me. I realized we have no control over what people do or say about us. We can only talk and hope it doesn’t make us sound like a dick.

Like many people on Facebook or Twitter, we pass things off as our own. Most of the things I say come from other people. I do have a lot of original material I post frequently. However, some days I want to post something and I lack the skills to be original. So I take something from someone else. My favorite quote is by a man named Merlin Mann. The quote is “The good ones sweat it because sweating it makes you one of the good ones.”

It should be no surprise my five things I say the most came from someone else.

#1. That’s a great name for a band

I read this book called Why We Suck by Dr. Denis Leary. In the book, he talks about Oprah and her power she has over America. In one paragraph, Denis Leary talks about how Oprah’s website gives recommendations on the best hammers to keep around the house. He mentions the Best Rip Claw Hammers. On a wild tangent, he mentions Rip Claw Hammers would be a great name for a band.denis-leary-why-we-suck

Since I heard Denis Leary mention that phrase, it has stuck with me. Everytime I have a conversation with a person, I’m looking for the chance to say “That’s a great name for a band.” I say it often and I say it proud.

#2. There I was, minding my own business

I listen to this podcast called You Look Nice Today. In one of the episodes, someone starts off with “There I was, minding my own business.” I thought it was really funny to start a story with that phrase. Now the phrase just comes naturally to me. When I am telling my girlfriend a story or updating my parents on recent events, I always start with “There I was, minding my business.” It’s almost my way of saying “take an adventure with me for a moment”.

I think the phrase is a great way to help someone picture me in an environment I am describing. I like making things easier for readers to visualize. I’m a very visual person. You can tell me how to write a joke all day long. If you show me once, I’ll remember it.

#3. When two people love each other very much

Sometimes people ask really fucking stupid questions. Like OH MY GOD HOW DUMB ARE YOU, questions. I used to be the guy who would break it down to them like a small child. Side note, that was phrase was replaced by When two people love each other very much. I use this phrase as a way to let the other person know they should already know this answer. Since they are asking me and making me think about it, I’m going to insult you, and then tell you first. It’s a really fun game I play.

This phrase is only for me to laugh at. Other usually laugh when I say it out loud. That’s great. If no one laughs, just know I’m laughing on the inside. Sometimes I wished I kept a log of questions I had to use this phrase on. I bet Google would laugh at me.

#4. I’m not arguing that

This is another phrase I got from the podcast You Look Nice Today. In one of the episodes, someone is explaining details of a subject. Another person comes in and mentions the one fact we all know. That’s when the guy says “I’m Not Arguing That”. I can be explaining how I feel about the Beatles and how they progressed music. Someone in the conversation always chimes in with that one fact we all know. Something like “You know the Beatles didn’t invent that, right?” That’s when I come in with “I’m not arguing that”.

Basically, it’s me acknowledging the dumb thing someone says. It also lets me get back to my rant I was on before I was so rudely interrupted. Nothing makes me more upset than interrupting me while I’m hot on a topic.

#5. I want to ask this question, but I don’t want to know the answer

Often I hear stories about the fucked up things people do on a daily basis. I often wonder how many people really do the same thing. I usually do not want to know the answer, though. I ask myself “Do I really want to know how many people get a dildo stuck in their ass and have to visit the hospital”? I think the number would baffle me. That’s when I came up with the phrase “I want to ask this question, but I don’t want to know the answer”.

I hope you enjoyed this list of the five things I say the most. Leave a comment and tell me what you say the most.

Russell Aaron